To be clear, when I say for the modern male, I don't mean that this kit is intended to prevent men from being raped...although remember, Feminist Nation holds that a person must give explicit consent for sex to be legit (and California now agrees), so surely somewhere at this very moment a man is accommodating an amorous partner without ever specifically forming the word, "Yes."... (However, one or both of them may repeat that word vigorously a few moments hence.) More seriously, the following is intended to protect a man from accusations of date rape; with the new semester upon us, it is must reading for every Joe College. I actually recommend that all guys carry these items at all times... If only they could fit in your wallet alongside that four-year-old, slowly biodegrading lambskin condom.
Breathalyzer, for her. If she blows over .08, watch out; you're in the danger zone. For as we know, a man is responsible for ensuring that a woman is fully capable of rendering a sober-minded consent. If she drunkenly climbs into her car and careens off to wreak vehicular mayhem, that's on her...but if she climbs into your bed, it's your problem, pally.
For added legitimacy, consider having a cop handy to administer the test; just remember that some gals are suckers for a man in uniform. She may end up in his patrol car, not your bed.
Joint Venture agreement. Spells out each party's sexual responsibilities and stipulates compensation, if any. (That could be a separate crime, of course, except in Nevada.) May be of some use in defending a charge of "rape by fraud/deception," a relatively new sex-crime construct that labels as rape scenarios in which a woman was told a material lie (e.g. "My wife and I haven't slept together in years"/"I swear I've never done it with a guy," "I picked you up in the Pinto 'cause my Jag's in the shop") in prelude to a sexual encounter.
Memorandum of Penetration.
This eliminates the troublesome he-said/she-said that sometimes takes place in the aftermath of spontaneous sex. No more worries about buyer's remorse on her part. If nothing else, the agreement proves that she invited you in, at least initially.
Notary, to affirm the foregoing documents.
I grant you that with both a cop and a notary in attendance, the mood may suffer. But these are requisite steps in today's ever-contentious sexual climate.
Digital tape recorder. I have no prurient aims in mind here...and if you do, remember that the laws against revenge porn get steadily tougher. It's just that women reserve the right to revoke consent at any point in the proceedings; even if she says it when you're within sight of the finish line, you must stop or it's every bit as much a rape as if you forced yourself on her at the outset. So keep a recording device handy to document that the liaison remained consensual from beginning to end.
Finally, under the heading "If all else fails", make sure this number is programmed into your speed-dial:
It's the direct line for elite defense attorney and frequent CNN guest commentator Mark O'Mara. He got George Zimmerman off, he can probably help you.